In 1989, at just 18 years old, I embarked on my first true solo journey, landing in Honolulu and staying at a dormitory-hotel (I’m not sharing the name of the hotel out of respect). Although I had previously traveled alone to Osaka, Japan, my brother had been there to meet me. This trip, however, was entirely my own—a round-trip adventure without a safety net. I don’t quite recall how I found this dormitory-hotel, but it was the most affordable option, and its proximity to the beach made it an easy choice.
A year later, in 1990, I returned to Honolulu, once again staying at the dormitory-hotel, but this time with the intention of building a life in Oahu. My life in Japan had unraveled—I had ended a relationship with my Brazilian girlfriend, left the country without withdrawing the $3,000 I had in my bank account, and felt as though everything I had built in those 18 months had crumbled. Even my brother refused to send me the money, and I found myself in Honolulu, utterly lost.
With limited funds, I couldn’t stay at the dormitory-hotel for long. I reached out to an acquaintance from Oahu who I met in Osaka. He graciously picked me up and took me to his parents’ home in Aiea, which is just above Pearl Harbor. They welcomed me with warmth and kindness—the true essence of the Aloha Spirit. But I was so weighed down by my circumstances that I barely left bed, spending my days watching MTV, where Guns N’ Roses and Jane’s Addiction played endlessly. I felt too broken to even enjoy the beach. After about ten days, I flew back to Michigan, abandoning my dream of living in Hawaii. It was winter when I arrived, a stark contrast to the tropics, but there was comfort in returning to my Mom, Dana and my adorable sister Dana.
Now, 35 years later, on February 2, 2025, I find myself once again at the same dormitory-hotel. This time, it’s a three-day stay. There was an inexplicable pull to return—something vital awaited me here. Yet, a deep fear accompanied it, as if I were entering a prison of my past, a karmic debt needing to be settled.
Day One: Surrendering to the Experience
Checking in, the building felt worn, the corridors resembling a prison. My room was heavy with neglect—soot-caked louvered windows, stained curtains, and an oppressive atmosphere. The noise from the street was relentless, and one of my windows wouldn’t close.
Note that absolutely all of my personal belongings were with me. I had 2 suitcases, a briefcase full of US tax returns and Green card documents for my wife and a large Dell monitor. The rooms don’t have a bolt lock, just a simple self-locking door that one would have in one’s home. The voices of doubt (ego) worried that while I went out shopping, I would come back and nothing would be there; that a team of people would steal my stuff. The voice of love (Self or Soul) was fine with those things disappearing.
I decided that I was going to ask to get this window situation resolved. I decided that I would do it with loving kindness. I would make my request clear and no matter the response, I would hold the other in allowance and love.
There was a woman behind the desk helping another person. She looked stressed, but asked me what I needed. I told her to take her time as I was not in a hurry. She asked what the problem was and I shared that my window wouldn’t close in my room. She asked me for the number and said she would be right up, so I went to my room and waited for her.
She came up, saw the room and said, “OMG, this window is filthy! I’m going to try to get you a nicer room.” She left and came back and said that there was a room on the floor below for me. I had lots of baggage and she said, “Bring your stuff down in two trips.” I said that I could handle it in one. She repeated, “Bring it down in two trips, it’s no problem.” I assured her that I could do it in one trip.” She paused, looked at me, and said, “I love men like you!” The words she used was very interesting to me, because she didn’t say it in a flirtatious, sexual way.
When we got to the room, she said 3 more times, “I really love men like you!” I asked her why she said that. I don’t remember the exact words, but it felt like she said that I rolled with the situation, offered to help her, and was kind to her the entire time.
She shared with me about her life and her history. I thanked her for making my day, because she truly did. It was a beautiful interaction leaving both of us in a higher state than we were ten minutes before we met.
I learned a deep lesson about desire and intention. My desire was to stay in a nicer room and my intention was to treat her with kindness no matter the response. The effect of that was her loving-kindness towards me, which lifted my spirits.
That night, despite the noise of the city—hot rods, motorcycles, sirens—peace eventually settled in and I fell into a deep sleep.
Day Two: Seeing Through the Eyes of Love
The next morning, I stayed in my room until almost noon before walking to McDonald’s for coffee. Along the way, I passed homeless individuals and people seemingly strung out on drugs. My body tensed, breath got shallow and I avoided eye contact, fearing unwanted interactions. I wasn’t able to be present with them. I wasn’t able to see beyond their physicality.
A little later, as I sat outside, an elderly homeless man walked by. Our eyes met and stayed with him for a moment and smiled with him. He raised his hand slowly, waved, and said in a very soft voice, “Hi!” It was a beautiful moment. There was a part of me that wished I could ease his suffering, as he looked very tired, and just the act of walking looked challenging for him. I realized that what I could offer in that moment was presence. I could just be with him.
I had an epiphany about how I would BE with people, all people. I will look at them equally, with the eyes of love, regardless of the shape they are in – skinny, fat, angry, happy, homeless, rich, etc. I will see them as they truly are: divine beings only worthy of love.
Day Three: The Power of Giving and Receiving
I had early morning Zoom calls—three 90-minute sessions in various groups. Later, I went to do my laundry. The front desk clerk told me there was no detergent, but I felt I wouldn’t need to buy any, so I grabbed my clothes and headed up the stairs. When I arrived at the laundry room, a local woman greeted me, laughing about her slow-drying clothes. I asked about detergent, and without hesitation, she offered me some. Her kindness touched me.
Later I went to the cafeteria area to get some hot water to make some oatmeal. I had bought apple-cinnamon instant oatmeal packets and that was dinner. There was an African American man making his food there and we smiled at each other. He could smell the apple cinnamon flavor in the oats and said, “Man, I haven’t had apple-cinnamon oats in ages. That’s my favorite flavor.” I said, “Wait here, I have some extra, so I’ll bring you some.” He said, “No way, bro!!! Wow. I’ll be waiting.” I came back and gave him a hug. He told me about his life, his family, and his health issues. He said his name is “Cowboy” because he was a bull rider in Arizona. That was a sweet moment.
That evening I saw a guy in his 60s in the bathroom washing his hands in the sink. I said “Hi, how are you?” He said, “I feel like I am in a prison and people are out to get me.” I tried to be with him, but I felt the energy just drop and felt a strong sense that he didn’t want me to be there so I left. Interestingly, that morning I was on a Zoom call and a woman shared about her work in prisons. Another person in the group also mentioned the experience of prison. I shared with them that the place I was staying felt like a prison to me. Some may say this is merely coincidence, but I believe it is the power of thought. It seems that these days, my thoughts, and especially my words, manifest in the world very quickly.
Day Four: A New Beginning
Weeks earlier, my mentor and dear friend Gary Mahler asked me to speak on “I WANT THAT!!!”, which is Gary’s way of expressing a “Burning Level of Desire”. I immediately said YES. I would speak to his coaching clients on a Zoom group coaching call. Speaking in front of many people has never been comfortable for me, but lately, I’ve been enjoying speaking from the heart, shifting from self-focus to service.
Gary has a majestic way of gracefully guiding conversations without forcing or controlling them, creating a peaceful space. The call went well, and several participants reached out afterward. The Unfolding of YES continues in more and more opportunities to speak to others.
After packing up, I checked out and waited in the lobby. A woman in her 70s sat beside me. She greeted me, then dozed off. When she woke up, she asked, “What do you do?” I took a deep breath and said, “I love.” She paused, smiled, and said, “Me too.”
We spoke about our shared passion for helping others love, forgive, and let go of judgment. She invited me to her Seventh-day Adventist Church in Kailua and asked for my card. I wrote my website on a 3×5 card and told her my contact information was there. When I asked her name, she pointed to the bun on her head and said, “Bun.” I smiled. I wouldn’t forget.
Home is Not a Place–It’s a Way of Being
This experience at the dormitory-hotel was a profound homecoming—not to a physical place, but to a deeper understanding of myself and my relationship with the world. I saw the power of intention in transforming interactions, the importance of seeing beyond appearances to the divine in everyone, and the beauty of giving and receiving without attachment. Most importantly, I witnessed how my thoughts shape my reality, manifesting both prisons and liberations. In surrendering to the present moment with love and openness, I rediscovered the truth: no matter where I am, home is not a place—it is a way of being.
Thank you for reading.
All comments are welcomed.
Love always, Bodhi
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